Xiao Nian Ye

Today is the eve of the eve of CNY and it's called Xiao Nian Ye (XNY)

Well, no pressing or burning issues that I need to load off here. Just bored and would like to do something.

Some updates on AIW. It was ARGH. Was the source of my unhappiness this week and I think it will continue. Nothing major. Some cock-ups and inefficiencies leading to some tension among partners. As usual, I am affected and feel rather jaded about the whole situation. But I will see through it. Give it another chance at least.

Was talking to my tutorial friend in Maths class today. Dilbert was teaching geometric progression and it didn't interest me. I have never solved a arithmetric or geometric question in a test or exam before. Somehow just cannot see through all the fog. So I though it didn't matter if I listened or not. Hah! Where is the A+ student mentality!!! I am contented with a B for this la, so A+ spirit can throw into the bin.

Anyway, back to topic. Talked to my tutorial friend. He says he is not exactly happy, though he sure seem ok to me. He had a quarrel with gf over the phone last night and was troubling over his recent bad luck at getting a non-audit job. He thinks he is not suitable as an auditor. And most importantly, he thinks he has no life and needs a job which he can feel passionate about and indulge in it FULL time. I think he is crazy. He has more of a life than me. He made me feel....really really no life.

What he says is true. We need to find a job that we feel passionate about. I totally agree. But easier said than done la. First thing first, what is your passion? Next can it feed you? Lastly, you want them they want you or not?

We went on to talk about our unsuccessful job applications. His was with Citi. Went through all rounds, met CEO and bubble burst. We are both in the same boat actually. Only thing is he still wants to continue the job hunt while I am taking it easy. I can't bring myself to go for more interviews because I know the outcome will not be positive. Not because I think I am not good enough, but because I know if I can't convince myself why I so want to join that company, I can't convince the bosses to hire me. Simple as that.

I've been through a couple of interviews in my life. Scholarships then job interviews. It all started off fine until the final rounds when the drilling come. Typical questions they love to ask is your motivation to join them. They really want to see the genuine burning desire. This is when I am challenged. I realise I could never really answer that question convincingly after a few rounds of grilling and doubtful stares.

Because I don't feel it. No matter how I psychoed myself to believe I am so interested in the job, I will still end up tongue tied when they press for a definite and specific answer. I am very disadvantaged of course, when others can suavely lie through their teeth and get the job. But on the other hand, I am still glad that my heart stays true and my tongue dun lie.

Then so be it la. If I can't convince myself then dun rush into it. When I am ready, I will go for it.

The coming UOB interview will probably be my last interview. This time its really just to get the interview adrenaline high. I was told the prospects are not as good and was advised to go Big 4 instead of a local bank. I missed their career talk and I have no idea what they are offering. In fact, I was already giving up when I skipped the career talk, but their agent called to ask if I was still interested and was willing to send my resume and dept choices over to the HR. So I chose and see if I will get shortlisted. Today they called to arrange for an interview but it clashed with my lessons. Wanted to tell their agent to drop me but Gary say go for it. Quite surprise that he is so supportive suddenly. He is usually quite bochap about it but this time he seems more enthusiatic than me. So I asked him why. He said he thinks I will be happier if I got the job.

And so I thought to myself. Yah, I might be happier because I am labelled as an MA in a bank. I am not a reject anymore. I might be happier because my market value would have risen to 3plus K. I might be happier because I am a glamorous banker. But will I be genuinely happy? I dunno. Will I like the jobscope? I dunno. Do I really want to work in a bank???

But anyway, I shall just go for the interview. I am at no loss because they changed the time for me. Will let you know how it goes.